Are You a "Helicopter Parent"?

A great article in the new March 2012 Ensign (printed by the LDS Church) is titled "Helping without Hovering".
I am normally not a big reader...I mostly just flip through magazines and books looking at any images and short quotes. However, this one caught my eye. I am sure it did mostly because I am a parent and as a MOM you are always wanting to compare your parenting skills to others. (mostly to reassure yourself of what a good job you are doing and how other Moms are just stupid! But that is another article)

James E. Faust said, " In my opinion, the teaching, rearing, and training of children requires more intelligence, intuitive understanding, humility, strength, wisdom, spirituality, perseverance, and hard work than any other challenge we might have in life."

First of all...that is AWESOME and so true!!

So, as they go on in the article they outline 5 main ways to help your children become more independent in a safe, appropriate way...

1. Look for opportunities to allow your children to do things for themselves, even if it means more work for you.
"Allowing and even expecting children to do things on their own prepares them to live independently in the future. Parents should try to not do things for their children that they can do for themselves."

Even if this means they spill the juice while trying to pour it themselves. It's ok, you can get more juice and they can help clean up the mess...even if it takes 15min. to do so.

It may take longer to put leaves into a pile when you allow them to do it one leaf at a time...
but then they will learn there are other ways to gather leaves!

2. Teach your children to work.
"Children who learn to work enjoy high levels of self-esteem and confidence. They discover that the world does not revolve around them and that they are happier when they focus on the needs of others."

It is hard to appreciate what you have when everything is just given to you or done for you! Give your child the chance to prepare to provide for themselves by learning that work is necessary and can even be fun.

Give them a job applicable to their age and abilities.
(like a 2yr old washing pre-washed dishes)

3. Teach your children that choices have consequences.
"Children need to understand that they cannot simply do whatever they want and then have things work out exactly how they want. Consider giving your children clear communication about rules in your home and what will happen if those rules are disobeyed-and then consistently follow through with the consequences when necessary."

Ever seen those kids who are crazy bad and the parents don't seem to care?! Yea, that is because they have learned early on that they can do what they want and no rules apply to them. This becomes a huge problem in our society as they get older as well as difficulty with following divine laws.

Eating a muddy piece of wood actually tastes pretty nasty...

but you don't have to tell him that anymore!

4. Stand up and be courageous.
"...do not become too permissive. Children are often quick to point out what 'other parents' allow their children to do. What the world really needs is courageous parenting from mothers and fathers who are not afraid to speak up and take a stand."

Don't be afraid to do what is right even if none of you seem like the only parent doing it! Some examples come from sleepovers..." Elder Larry R. Lawrence (of the seventy) warned parents about some of the moral lapses that can take place when children spend the night at friends' homes. Many parents today would love to put an end to sleepovers but are not willing to battle their children over the issue." I would also say that there are other parents who are fearful of what the other parents might think of them.

When you look into your child's eyes remember that
YOU are the one entrusted with enriching their future!

5. Allow your children to have heartaches and setbacks.
"All people will face disappointments and unpleasant experiences at some point in their lives. If children can learn how to handle less-than-ideal situations when they are young, they will be more resilient and resourceful as adults."

You can easily help your child (AT ANY AGE) develop creative solutions for their problems instead of just ignoring or avoiding them. Good parenting also involves allowing your child to fail at times. Life is not easy for anyone and it does your child NO GOOD to try to shield or spoil them from the realities of what awaits them as adults.

Sorry, but no one gets to brush their teeth while standing in the sink.

Being a parent (and I think even more so a Mother) is no easy task, and there are no set rules for everyone to follow. However, there are some very clear guidelines set by our cultural laws and the laws and plans from God. As we keep more spiritually minded and see the reality of what we are teaching our children every day...I think parenting can become much easier!

hieroglyphics

(the girls' room)
interpretation: "if you jump on the bed mom will whack you!"

(by the basement door)
interpretation: "there's lots of trees outside"

(Gracie's dresser)
interpretation: "too many clothes"

(the kitchen table)
interpretation: "dinner tonight was about 2 stars"

(the bathroom door)
interpretation: "I love the way mom decorated the bathroom"

(the arm of the couch)
interpretation: "this way to the toys"

(hallway)
interpretation: "i was starting to draw a star but then mom walked up"

climbing mt. everest for a glass of chocolate milk

i do not profess to be the best house cleaner you ever met on the internet. i mostly run my household by the saying "clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy"...merry maids meets "cheaper by the dozen". totally me.

did i just give the impression that i'm a slob? because i'm totally not a slob...i just have 7 people living in one house and like every mother knows, there is a revolving "to do" list that just carries over from day to day to day to day. at my house, things like the baseboards and tile grout and the oven never quite make it to the top of the list.

and i know they don't make it to the top of your list, either, no matter how many of you post on facebook things like "organized the garage, defrosted the freezer, ironed 27 white shirts, and chopped down a cherry tree! now for some homemade pot pie with fresh garden vegetables for lunch!" i don't believe it for a minute...but i do start to feel bad about my june cleaverness.

so anyways, i have 2 big weaknesses when it comes to homemaking skills. i'm going to lay it all out for you here, keeping it real so you don't come away from my post feeling bad about your own june cleaverness. i'm nice like that.

dishes. and laundry.

as far as the dishes go...i've just always hated doing dishes. my family didn't get a dishwasher until i was a sophomore in high school, so i spent 4.7 years of my childhood washing dishes by hand. those are years i can never get back, years i could have been playing paper dolls or learning to do a back flip or lip syncing to whitney houston. a robbed childhood leads to a resentful adulthood, and that is why i don't like doing dishes.

never mind that now that i have a dishwasher the whole task could be completed in under 10 minutes. that is irrelevant. it's the principle, ya know? i always put it off as long as possible, then i break down and do it and tell myself "self, that wasn't bad at all. why in the bleep did you wait so long?" and then i answer myself and say "self, you are right. and there's no need for vulgar language. it's not bad at all. from now on, i will do the dishes as i go, all day long. easy peasy."

i'm a liar. i don't do it as i go all day long, and then i repeat the above paragraph. every.single.night. dishes are my enemy, poor things. i feel about dishes the way the rest of my family feels about putting a roll of toilet paper on the holder.

and the laundry. sheesh. i actually enjoy washing clothes. i can keep up with that one, no problem. at any given time, you can find a mountain of clean clothing piled nigh to the ceiling in my bedroom. washing clothes is not my problem.

it's the folding. and the putting away. as far as i'm concerned, folding and putting away clean laundry could best be described as climbing mt. everest with paper cuts on every finger and getting a root canal at the summit. if i were julie andrews and i were singing about my favorite things, i would never ever mention mt. everest or paper cuts or a root canal.

i realize it's unfortunate that my least-favorite household tasks are also considered daily maintenance and therefore not optional. have no fear, i have compensated in other areas, so as to balance out the june cleaver within. i am really good at bathing my children every night, and i never ever ever run out of nesquik.

now hiring: dishwasher and laundry folder. compensation: a tall glass of chocolate milk and no judgments about the pretzels and chip clips on your pantry floor.

...new year resolutions...

Yes!  Yes, I am alive!

And I even remembered my login information!

Living with internet only on my phone doesn't equal easy blogging...

Sweet is a laptop...

Anyways... I've actually put a bunch of thought into this year's resolutions!

Like seriously.

This time next year, I don't want to be the same person I was this time last year...

I want to be happier, healthier, and well...happier!

Who doesn't want those things right?!

Then I got to thinking...

"Oh, I'm gonna lose like tons of weight!  And have perfect skin!  And have a perfect house like 24/7!  And I'm gonna have perfect kids!"

So basically I want my life to look like this:

Then I got to thinking...

some more...

"I can't compare to the women now-a-days!  My house can't compare to the houses now-a-days!  I can't compare to the mothers now-a-days!"

And for a brief moment I was a little depressed...

Round of applause for the devil...

He won that battle...

BUT...

Then I got to thinking...

again...

And I realized that "the women now-a-days" can't compare to this:

If I am good enough to enter those doors, I should be good enough to love myself!  Plus, I've got an eternal bond to my Honeyman that they could never compare to!  ;)

And I also realized that those perfect houses with perfect children can't compare to this:

Or this:

Or this:

Or this:

Maybe my house isn't perfect...

Or maybe I have kids that are absolutely insane...

Or maybe I don't look like a model...

But that's okay...

Because I can get happier with what I have...

We all can...

I can get healthier to live to see my absolutely insane children grow to be absolutely insane adults...

I will do these things this year...

That way, this time next year I won't be who I was this time last year!

I'll be happier and healthier because I know that what I have can't compare to anything else!

So...Happy New Year from our crazy family to yours!!

ben, jerry, and joe jr...that's what i'm doing this year

because i am totally not the kind of girl that procrastinates anything, i...ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! i put things off like nobody's work-from-home business. i had all these other great things i wanted to post about and figured i'd get to the "resolutions" post next time. or next month. but i think it would be awkward to talk about new year's resolutions in february, since no one's even keeping them anymore by then.

so, in no particular order, here are a few of my goals for the grand ol' year of 2012:


1. learn to eat with chopsticks. i haven't ever been able to figure those large toothpicks out, and somehow i have been able to sleep at night. but i have a newly-acquired love of sushi...and sushi is hard to eat with a fork. it's a goal born of necessity, but it still totally counts.

2. figure out how to use my sewing machine. the sewing machine i hadhadhad to have for christmas 3 years ago. the sewing machine that sat unopened in the box in the corner of my closet for 2 of those years. the sewing machine that my sister is now using...because she knows how. i'm not sure how i got away with calling myself a true stay at-home mom all these years without knowing how to sew...i'm sneaky like that, i guess.

3. actually put pictures in the assortment of frames that adorn the walls of my home. it's a great conversation piece, these faux families of models i've got hanging all over. if i don't do something about it soon, my kids are going to need therapy when they are older. and only for this reason, of course.

4. take more pictures. see #3. i am absolutely, positively, the worst documenting mother who ever lived in this age of rampant technology. like bob harper will be saying this whole season of "biggest loser"--no excuses!!

5. hold more babies. i'm counting on you, my loyal readership, to help me out with this one. i've already recruited my sister in-law and my best friend, but ya'll are gonna have to step it up in the baby-growing department if we are to fill this void in my arms. oh, and you need to live close to me and not be creeped out by the fact that i just asked you to move here and birth children for me to hold.

6. eat more ben & jerry's ice cream. because it's good, that's why. and also, i believe i should have at least one resolution that i know i am not going to save until december 20 to get started on.

7. watch "while you were sleeping" more than twice. i love everything about that movie, including joe jr. no, especially joe jr.


i think goals are good for the soul. and goals at the beginning of a new year are good for conversation starters. happy new year, moms, and happy goal setting!!

A Happy Family : What I REALLY Want for Christmas

How many times have you thought...."I should smile more."  OR 

"Uh, my kids never do anything right!"

OR EVEN  "Why is everyone driving me crazy?!" (that's my favorite).

Well, I hear myself saying many things like this (and lots of others) in my mind practically every day. As I thought about what I wanted for Christmas this year, I thought about some cool things (that we can't afford...) and some much needed pampering (that I wont get...) and a list of things I would like my family (husband) to do for me (that will never happen...). Then I realized that ultimately, I just want to be happy and feel not so overwhelmed or irritated at those around me.

So, as I sat waiting for my prenatal visit I found a short article talking about being your child's cheerleader. I found it to be refreshing, wonderful, and I think it works with husbands and other family members too...and so I will share.

Be Your Child's Cheer Section
from Working Mother Magazine, Dec/Jan 2012

1. Show How
    Model behavior you wish to see in your kids. Lead by example, be honest, and treat them with respect.

2. Give Kisses
    Show children unconditional love. I kiss my sons on the forehead and tell them Mommy and Daddy love them all the time.

3. Listen Up
    Evenings are my favorite time to truly pay attention to my kids. It's a time when we're relaxed and ready for conversation.

4. Encourage
    Help your child become good at something and then take pride in his/her ability. That confidence goes a long way.

Don't be such a Scrooge this Christmas and be more Christ-like!

Give love and you will get love back ♥

the legend of sleepy hollow

i've heard this day was coming...ever since that february morning in 2000, when the ultrasound tech said "it's a boy!"...people told me, prepared me, warned me.

the part they all left out was that it literally happens overnight. or overday. i sent my 11 year-old son off to school with a mid-morning snack and a sensible lunch. he returned home, famished and near to death, and proceeded to eat me out of house and home.

this is not a joke. the eating!!!! hollow legs are real, i have a testimony of that.

and just when i thought i could count on my firstborn to manage the saturday morning cereal extravaganza--while i got a few more zzz's--he started...sleeping in?! since when did a child of mine appreciate snoozing past sunrise?

it's going to happen to you one day, ya know. the legend of sleepy hollow...